From an email I sent out to some people this evening
Dear friends,
One of my students recently attended a Tuesday night service. I didn't get any feedback from her until today, but what she said jarred me. I shared it with my team here at school, and I think the insight behind her statement is worth forwarding to some of you. First, let me preface this with some background information:
Earlier in the semester, one of my students stood up to speak about the assigned topic of, "FAMILY." He related the story of his grandfather, who had been captured by Japanese soldiers. He was put to work in a camp, escaping only by killing two of them. As the student recounted that event, the class broke into applause and smiles. I ached. After his presentation, I slowly made my way to the front and spoke for a few minutes about how grieved I was that the loss of life - though that of an enemy - was celebrated. I reminded my students that life is still life. In that same breath, I encouraged them to consider that generational hatred puts them in more of a prison than those who represent a bitter past.
Fast forward to today (Monday). I had class with the same group of students. Today's assignment was to discuss the outcomes of a unique assignment given two weeks ago. Each student received a piece of paper with 13 activities/destinations throughout Harbin. One of the 13 had to be chosen and completed. It was done with intentions of giving freshmen students an opportunity to get to know their city. One of the options was to attend a service at [ ]; that's why you may have seen several new faces with us on recent Sundays and Tuesdays.
The young lady who was present last Tuesday spoke about how friendly the people were and how interesting she found the video series that we've been watching At the end of her presentation, she said, "But there was something that confused me. In the video, they talked about Moses leading the Hebrews out of Egypt and G opened the water to let them through. He punished the Egyptians, though, and drowned them in the sea. When that happened, everyone in the room clapped. But didn't we learn that we aren't supposed to celebrate the death of our enemies?"
Her memory was spot on, and her insight stunned me.
I knew the timing wasn't appropriate to discuss anything with her, so I allowed the presentations to continue. I did, however, mention this to my team at today's meeting. They, like me, could only initially reply, "Wow." In discussing this with my team, we concluded two things which I will mention to that young lady:
1) Cs make mistakes. Our response to the video caused confusion for at least one person and may have hardened her heart against us and, ultimately, the One we represent. We asked that this not turn her away from any interest that she may have about learning and seeking.
2) Perhaps people clapped because of G's demonstration of His sovereignty over man and nature. In the story of the young man's grandfather, He was not mentioned. It was man against man. However, in the events of the Red Sea, there would have been no victory without His miraculous presence and hand orchestrating it so. In that case, perhaps the applause was for Him and not so much for the lives lost.
I and my colleagues found this a very thought-provoking moment of the day. May it help us to be more sensitive to the perceptions of newcomers and to those who are watching and listening to our everyday responses.
Showing posts with label conversations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conversations. Show all posts
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Ashes to Beauty
One of my students, a handsome well-spoken city boy, showed up at our Tuesday night study two weeks ago. His religious background requires kneeling before sitting in the pew. I told him that wasn't necessary, but he did it out of conditioning. He sat in front of me, and within a few seconds, I detected a thick unmistakable cloud of cigarette smoke. He was covered in it, but I wasn't sure if it was firsthand or from being prisoner to a thoughtless taxi driver. (On the books, smoking in taxis is prohibited, but this is China.)
I taught his class the following afternoon. During some group work, I found an empty bench in the back and observed the students working. A few seconds after sitting down, my nose retreated in the same way it did the night before. I looked over at the belongings next to me, and I recognized his coat and scarf. I had my confirmation...and the ensuing conviction that there was a reason I noticed his habit two days in a row.
But we barely know each other.
I watched the students smiling and talking with the discussion partners. He was near the front of the class. So young and so full of potential. I kept imagining him gasping for breath. It made all the difference knowing that he is MY student.
A few minutes later, teams began making presentations. I found a piece of printer paper in my stack of handouts. The lower half was unmarked, so it folded and tore it from the rest of the document. It became my makeshift stationary. I had to be succinct, and I had to be quick. I didn't know what I would write, and - more concerning - I didn't know how I would get it to him without drawing attention from classmates who watch my every interaction.
I don't remember what I wrote. I wish I did. Only fragments come to mind:
I don't know when you'll read this, but I trust God's timing.
Smoke-filled lungs are tortured lungs, indeed.
I hate to think that you will pay such a huge price for a youthful addiction.
As your teacher, I care about your well-being.
I hope you don't consider this an invasion of privacy.
Once I finished it, I folded it up and starting working out HOW I could get it to him. My eyes scanned his coat, and that's when I realized there were two large pockets on the front. No one was sitting behind me, and sliding the folded note into the pocket took all of two seconds. It was done before anyone could even turn around. I hoped and asked that he would find it within reasonable time. That was it. I left the rest to our mutual Maker.
I've thought of that note since last week. Tomorrow (Wed) is his class. This afternoon, I received an email from him. It was attached with a four-page response. I can't betray some of the information he shared, but there's a future at stake, so I'm sharing enough to prick the finger of petition from anyone who feels moved. Please remember him.
I taught his class the following afternoon. During some group work, I found an empty bench in the back and observed the students working. A few seconds after sitting down, my nose retreated in the same way it did the night before. I looked over at the belongings next to me, and I recognized his coat and scarf. I had my confirmation...and the ensuing conviction that there was a reason I noticed his habit two days in a row.
But we barely know each other.
I watched the students smiling and talking with the discussion partners. He was near the front of the class. So young and so full of potential. I kept imagining him gasping for breath. It made all the difference knowing that he is MY student.
A few minutes later, teams began making presentations. I found a piece of printer paper in my stack of handouts. The lower half was unmarked, so it folded and tore it from the rest of the document. It became my makeshift stationary. I had to be succinct, and I had to be quick. I didn't know what I would write, and - more concerning - I didn't know how I would get it to him without drawing attention from classmates who watch my every interaction.
I don't remember what I wrote. I wish I did. Only fragments come to mind:
I don't know when you'll read this, but I trust God's timing.
Smoke-filled lungs are tortured lungs, indeed.
I hate to think that you will pay such a huge price for a youthful addiction.
As your teacher, I care about your well-being.
I hope you don't consider this an invasion of privacy.
Once I finished it, I folded it up and starting working out HOW I could get it to him. My eyes scanned his coat, and that's when I realized there were two large pockets on the front. No one was sitting behind me, and sliding the folded note into the pocket took all of two seconds. It was done before anyone could even turn around. I hoped and asked that he would find it within reasonable time. That was it. I left the rest to our mutual Maker.
I've thought of that note since last week. Tomorrow (Wed) is his class. This afternoon, I received an email from him. It was attached with a four-page response. I can't betray some of the information he shared, but there's a future at stake, so I'm sharing enough to prick the finger of petition from anyone who feels moved. Please remember him.
I cannot help to say that I REALLY appreciate your letter. It is so kind and sincere of you to write this letter to me. So I hereby want to tell you some truth of myself, confidential ones that I never shared with any female friends, even my girlfriend. It’s disappointing, but I do admit that I really smoke. Sorry to hurt your feelings. In the start, a pack could last for a month. But now, it can be emptied in two days. Disappointed again, right? I’m so sorry about that and I really mean it. But anyway, that is the situation right now.
It is no denial that smoking is bad in every aspect and brings numerous diseases especially cancers. A youthful addiction, it is so precise, a youthful addiction that changes entire life. I probably would blame myself for not quitting it some decades later. But still, another truth, I don’t know how to quit, or, more accurately, not determined to quit it now. I am a man without strong determination. Although I have a good girlfriend who keeps pressure on me to quit smoking. Although I received your letter, which made me almost break into tears. Although I imagined how depressed would my parents and grandparents be when they know this thousands of times. I cannot quit it. Admitted, I am such a weak person.
I picked it up again last year. I was mentally destroyed by the failure in election (I failed to be the Chair of the school’s Student Congress but only the Vice-Chair) and relationship. (The girl that I’ve been pursuing for the whole year was never interested in me) As a result, I turned to my old friend. It is not an excuse to start the torment of my lung. I am feeling guilty about this because I once thought He cannot save me or relieve me from this suffering. I was wrong; He can do anything because of who He is. I was just not faithful enough. Could you tell me how to be more faithful? I mean I sometimes forget the rituals, like one before the meal, one after get up and before go to bed.
Again, I really thank you for your attention and advice to me. I really never ever expected this kind of warm-hearted letter. It must be a blessing which is giving me the best foreign teacher I ever had. It is also a miracle to bring two souls to each other only after a lesson at [your fellowship]. And I’m sure that it is a message to tell me stop smoking ASAP. I will keep it in mind and keep the letter carefully.
Thank you for your time reading such a long and meaningless email, too. I’ve never sent an email more than 600 words in English. I’ve never told my life story in English to anyone neither. I am extremely glad and happy to make friend with you. See you tomorrow~
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
quick to listen, slow to speak
Yesterday was defined by dichotomous tasks: talking in the morning and listening in the afternoon. The talking was nothing memorable. I introduced myself and went through the course syllabus and expectations. I never get bored with the variable of students, though; every class has its own fingerprint. But, in general, the first day is relatively smooth and well-rehearsed. Yesterday afternoon, however, I traded in my fatigued voice for a more passive role in unexpected conversations, abiding by the admonition of being, “quick to listen and slow to speak.”
The first came when I was forwarded a message received by my team-mates. It was written by the angry elf and sent to almost everyone in the English department, including the dean, the associate dean, and several others of sizable influence. Because I teach non-English majors, I was not included in the list of recipients. The email was brief but rife with anger. In it, he observed that the curriculum videos he had requested to be put on the school's English language website were not only listed in Chinese but were available for download with Chinese subtitles. While his frustration is understandable, his response is not. He actually referred to what had been done as, “plain stupid,” and ended the rant with a demand in all-caps to take the videos down. I can't imagine that things will end well for him, here – not after publicly insulting the very people responsible for hiring him.
Yikes.
Round two came several hours later while I was walking up a hill to meet a friend. At the corner opposite my dorm, I noticed a guy whom I met in the elevator one evening. He is Asian-American and has committed to a year-long Chinese study here. He smiled and waited up for me. A few strides later, he had begun to share his feelings on the locals. “They're selfish, always trying to talk to foreigners just to practice their English. Always got ulterior motives.”
I was aghast. Even considering the opportunists that do exist here (and everywhere else), I have found Chinese friends to be some of the most loyal and sacrificial of my entire life.
I gave him my best quizzical brow. You don't have many Chinese friends here, do you?
“Nah, not many.”
Not with that perspective, you won't.
“Yeah, but I've lived here for a year and know how they think.” He paused. “How long have you been here?”
This is the beginning of my fourth year.
He sobered up and tried to backpeddle his words, but the impression had already been made. He's not the first Asian-American to be so jaded with his own ethnicity. A few minutes later, he mentioned having a friend in the area who is also an American – a female teacher – who is struggling with culture shock. She's from North Carolina. He asked if he could put her in touch with me. For her sake, I said yes. I don't like the thought of a single female feeling so alone in this city – moreover, a southerner who actually knows that one doesn't order a bowl of grits according to individual grit count. I also want her to see a more holy representation of living a transplanted life here.
The third lesson in listening was delivered to me by way of none other than StoneCold. Some weeks ago, I had taken a raincheck on his offer to go walking after a heavy meal of hamburgers. I was just too tired. I didn't forget my promise, though, and was actually on my way to meet him when I had the unexpected encounter with the Asian-American mentioned above. We made the circuit outlining the entire campus - at least a 45 minute walk past dorms, basketball courts, the library, the main building, the dining halls, the gym and then back toward my dorm. As we passed underneath branches overhanging the sidewalk, he spoke of his desire to see China step out of the shadows of dominant countries that have always led it like a muzzled ox. I didn't have to ask which country might be the foremost offensive in his mind. Instead, I reminded him that the time of world dominion by a single culture is over. "The age of an ethno-geographical empire is no more, especially with world cultures being irretrievably linked by economies and social networking. The only empire on this earth that I now know is the empire of technology. It rules and it conquers and it absorbs generations into its kingdom. It has become a deity, worshiped and proclaimed, especially by our generations. I mean, can you imagine what would happen to the students here if their cell phones and computers were taken away? It would be chaos." StoneCold lifted his face in illuminated understanding and smiled.
Whenever he does that regarding some observation I have voiced, I know that I have won another square foot of respect and favor in his life. It is the Spirit within me granting wisdom in such moments, and to have three of them in one day is worth commemorating.
The first came when I was forwarded a message received by my team-mates. It was written by the angry elf and sent to almost everyone in the English department, including the dean, the associate dean, and several others of sizable influence. Because I teach non-English majors, I was not included in the list of recipients. The email was brief but rife with anger. In it, he observed that the curriculum videos he had requested to be put on the school's English language website were not only listed in Chinese but were available for download with Chinese subtitles. While his frustration is understandable, his response is not. He actually referred to what had been done as, “plain stupid,” and ended the rant with a demand in all-caps to take the videos down. I can't imagine that things will end well for him, here – not after publicly insulting the very people responsible for hiring him.
Yikes.
Round two came several hours later while I was walking up a hill to meet a friend. At the corner opposite my dorm, I noticed a guy whom I met in the elevator one evening. He is Asian-American and has committed to a year-long Chinese study here. He smiled and waited up for me. A few strides later, he had begun to share his feelings on the locals. “They're selfish, always trying to talk to foreigners just to practice their English. Always got ulterior motives.”
I was aghast. Even considering the opportunists that do exist here (and everywhere else), I have found Chinese friends to be some of the most loyal and sacrificial of my entire life.
I gave him my best quizzical brow. You don't have many Chinese friends here, do you?
“Nah, not many.”
Not with that perspective, you won't.
“Yeah, but I've lived here for a year and know how they think.” He paused. “How long have you been here?”
This is the beginning of my fourth year.
He sobered up and tried to backpeddle his words, but the impression had already been made. He's not the first Asian-American to be so jaded with his own ethnicity. A few minutes later, he mentioned having a friend in the area who is also an American – a female teacher – who is struggling with culture shock. She's from North Carolina. He asked if he could put her in touch with me. For her sake, I said yes. I don't like the thought of a single female feeling so alone in this city – moreover, a southerner who actually knows that one doesn't order a bowl of grits according to individual grit count. I also want her to see a more holy representation of living a transplanted life here.
The third lesson in listening was delivered to me by way of none other than StoneCold. Some weeks ago, I had taken a raincheck on his offer to go walking after a heavy meal of hamburgers. I was just too tired. I didn't forget my promise, though, and was actually on my way to meet him when I had the unexpected encounter with the Asian-American mentioned above. We made the circuit outlining the entire campus - at least a 45 minute walk past dorms, basketball courts, the library, the main building, the dining halls, the gym and then back toward my dorm. As we passed underneath branches overhanging the sidewalk, he spoke of his desire to see China step out of the shadows of dominant countries that have always led it like a muzzled ox. I didn't have to ask which country might be the foremost offensive in his mind. Instead, I reminded him that the time of world dominion by a single culture is over. "The age of an ethno-geographical empire is no more, especially with world cultures being irretrievably linked by economies and social networking. The only empire on this earth that I now know is the empire of technology. It rules and it conquers and it absorbs generations into its kingdom. It has become a deity, worshiped and proclaimed, especially by our generations. I mean, can you imagine what would happen to the students here if their cell phones and computers were taken away? It would be chaos." StoneCold lifted his face in illuminated understanding and smiled.
Whenever he does that regarding some observation I have voiced, I know that I have won another square foot of respect and favor in his life. It is the Spirit within me granting wisdom in such moments, and to have three of them in one day is worth commemorating.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
The Necklace: Update
Months ago, I posted an entry called The Necklace. You can click here to get to the archive. It involved a critical conversation with a young lady whose unique pendant gave me a parable moment. It helped to turn our conversation from earthly to eternal. She listened so intently that I invited her to join us on Sunday morning. A few weekends later, she did so and has become a regular attender. She has even brought along a classmate who is her frequent companion on Sundays.
The Necklace was the last time I spoke in depth with her. We are always in the same circle of people on Sunday - from getting on the bus together, finding seats in fellowship and even cramming our growing group into a corner room of our favorite restaurant, we keep one another in sight. But, I knew that her story would have to require a laissez-faire approach from me, which basically meant no approach at all other than to watch and take my cues from her growing interest or disinterest.
On Sunday morning, it happened.
I arrived early. She, her classmate and a few others entered the building several minutes later and made their way over to where I was sitting. We greeted one another and exchanged the usual questions. And then she said, "You know, I think I'm ready. [The classmate] and I have both talked about what we've learned by coming here, and we both want to believe and become [what you are]."
My eyes dilated. "Wow," I said. I pulled her aside and asked if the Canuck and I could schedule some time to meet with her and the classmate this week to further discuss some things. We want to make sure that they understand. She agreed. We will have dinner together on Thursday evening.
This news is like a meteor slamming into a week in which I have felt out of touch with the person who is beyond compare in my life. I am disobedient, unfaithful, ungrateful, insensitive and a general flea market of vices. And yet...he shows me his magnificent faithfulness in a way that I never really expected. He, alone, is capable of drawing men to himself and yet, through the gift of grace, lets me glimpse how he still chooses to make me part of his everlasting story.
The Necklace was the last time I spoke in depth with her. We are always in the same circle of people on Sunday - from getting on the bus together, finding seats in fellowship and even cramming our growing group into a corner room of our favorite restaurant, we keep one another in sight. But, I knew that her story would have to require a laissez-faire approach from me, which basically meant no approach at all other than to watch and take my cues from her growing interest or disinterest.
On Sunday morning, it happened.
I arrived early. She, her classmate and a few others entered the building several minutes later and made their way over to where I was sitting. We greeted one another and exchanged the usual questions. And then she said, "You know, I think I'm ready. [The classmate] and I have both talked about what we've learned by coming here, and we both want to believe and become [what you are]."
My eyes dilated. "Wow," I said. I pulled her aside and asked if the Canuck and I could schedule some time to meet with her and the classmate this week to further discuss some things. We want to make sure that they understand. She agreed. We will have dinner together on Thursday evening.
This news is like a meteor slamming into a week in which I have felt out of touch with the person who is beyond compare in my life. I am disobedient, unfaithful, ungrateful, insensitive and a general flea market of vices. And yet...he shows me his magnificent faithfulness in a way that I never really expected. He, alone, is capable of drawing men to himself and yet, through the gift of grace, lets me glimpse how he still chooses to make me part of his everlasting story.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
In China, the ends justify the means...
student 19:24:52
Hi
me 19:25:05
Hello
student 19:25:50
I am faced with a hard problem
me 19:26:09
Would you like to talk about it?
student 19:26:25
Yes
me 19:26:39
ok
student 19:27:16
My friend in *Peking University ask me to write a composition for him
*Peking University is the top university in the country.
student 19:27:35
but it is so hard for me,
student 19:28:36
The title is 'refuse to be average'
student 19:28:56
It is his homework
me 19:30:24
And is the composition for a grade?
student 19:30:33
No
me 19:31:03
Well, what's going to happen to the composition? Does he give it to the teacher?
student 19:31:05
Just a weekly homework and have nothing to do with grade
me 19:31:21
So why has he asked you to do it for him?
student 19:33:09
well ,he is preparing for an impprtant competition
me 19:34:02
What are you finding so difficult?
student 19:35:00
he asks me to write at least 1000 words
me 19:35:17
Did you tell him yes or no?
student 19:35:30
i cannot write so many words
student 19:35:57
I just told him that i will try my best to help him
me 19:36:02
I see your problem like this:
me 19:36:12
x--------x---------x
me 19:36:21
The first "x" represents his request to you.
me 19:36:31
The second "x" represents the problem that you have encountered.
me 19:36:40
The final "x" represents the finished product.
me 19:37:24
Do you understand what I've said so far?
student 19:37:39
Yes
me 19:38:08
You're looking at the second "x" and are thinking, "How can I write 1000 words?"
student 19:38:50
I will challenge myself
me 19:39:41
But I encourage you to look at the first x. In saying yes to his request, you have broken a rule of international academia. You have become an ally in cheating. Your problem is not the 1000 words. Your problem is that you are blind to right and wrong. You have chosen to help a cheater continue to cheat and to deceive those around him, namely his professor, his classmates, and Peking University.
student 19:40:45
Oh,Jesus,you mean i made a serious mistake
student 19:41:17
And my behavior is not moral
me 19:42:05
That's what I'm telling you. Cheating has become so common among Chinese students that no one recognizes it anymore...including you.
student 19:43:07
oh,i didn't even realize that i was cheating
me 19:43:21
You now have a choice: You can help your friend OR you can choose to do what's right and separate yourself from corruption. It's your decision.
student 19:44:07
it is hard to decide
me 19:45:18
Keep in mind that the choices you make now will set the standard for the choices you make in the future. If you choose to be an ally in corruption now, you will lose your confidence to resist it in the future.
student 19:46:25
your words do make sense
student 19:47:40
I will take it seriously
student 19:48:45
Thank you
student 19:48:56
I konw what i should do
me 19:53:17
It's never too late to do what's right. If your friend is a true friend, he will understand and might even come to respect you for standing up for what's right.
student 19:54:10
I will tell him that
student 19:55:58
I become so numb about such affairs
me 19:56:04
And the title of the composition is, "Refuse to Be Average," right? So standing up for honesty and integrity is doing exactly what the composition declares. If he gets mad, tell him that you are putting into action what the essay demands in writing.
student 19:56:56
Ok,i will follow your advice
me 19:57:36
Be prepared to pay the price. Your friend might not forgive you.
student 19:58:35
I can foresee that
student 19:59:12
When i return home,i will explain the reason in detail
me 20:00:24
I hope he understands, but if not, you will still be without regret in this matter.
student 20:02:03
We have been friends for 10years
student 20:02:31
I believe that he can understand me
me 20:02:52
This will be a pivotal test for your friendship. Situations like this separate the wheat (the good part of the harvest) from the chaff (the waste).
student 20:04:07
That' right
Hi
me 19:25:05
Hello
student 19:25:50
I am faced with a hard problem
me 19:26:09
Would you like to talk about it?
student 19:26:25
Yes
me 19:26:39
ok
student 19:27:16
My friend in *Peking University ask me to write a composition for him
*Peking University is the top university in the country.
student 19:27:35
but it is so hard for me,
student 19:28:36
The title is 'refuse to be average'
student 19:28:56
It is his homework
me 19:30:24
And is the composition for a grade?
student 19:30:33
No
me 19:31:03
Well, what's going to happen to the composition? Does he give it to the teacher?
student 19:31:05
Just a weekly homework and have nothing to do with grade
me 19:31:21
So why has he asked you to do it for him?
student 19:33:09
well ,he is preparing for an impprtant competition
me 19:34:02
What are you finding so difficult?
student 19:35:00
he asks me to write at least 1000 words
me 19:35:17
Did you tell him yes or no?
student 19:35:30
i cannot write so many words
student 19:35:57
I just told him that i will try my best to help him
me 19:36:02
I see your problem like this:
me 19:36:12
x--------x---------x
me 19:36:21
The first "x" represents his request to you.
me 19:36:31
The second "x" represents the problem that you have encountered.
me 19:36:40
The final "x" represents the finished product.
me 19:37:24
Do you understand what I've said so far?
student 19:37:39
Yes
me 19:38:08
You're looking at the second "x" and are thinking, "How can I write 1000 words?"
student 19:38:50
I will challenge myself
me 19:39:41
But I encourage you to look at the first x. In saying yes to his request, you have broken a rule of international academia. You have become an ally in cheating. Your problem is not the 1000 words. Your problem is that you are blind to right and wrong. You have chosen to help a cheater continue to cheat and to deceive those around him, namely his professor, his classmates, and Peking University.
student 19:40:45
Oh,Jesus,you mean i made a serious mistake
student 19:41:17
And my behavior is not moral
me 19:42:05
That's what I'm telling you. Cheating has become so common among Chinese students that no one recognizes it anymore...including you.
student 19:43:07
oh,i didn't even realize that i was cheating
me 19:43:21
You now have a choice: You can help your friend OR you can choose to do what's right and separate yourself from corruption. It's your decision.
student 19:44:07
it is hard to decide
me 19:45:18
Keep in mind that the choices you make now will set the standard for the choices you make in the future. If you choose to be an ally in corruption now, you will lose your confidence to resist it in the future.
student 19:46:25
your words do make sense
student 19:47:40
I will take it seriously
student 19:48:45
Thank you
student 19:48:56
I konw what i should do
me 19:53:17
It's never too late to do what's right. If your friend is a true friend, he will understand and might even come to respect you for standing up for what's right.
student 19:54:10
I will tell him that
student 19:55:58
I become so numb about such affairs
me 19:56:04
And the title of the composition is, "Refuse to Be Average," right? So standing up for honesty and integrity is doing exactly what the composition declares. If he gets mad, tell him that you are putting into action what the essay demands in writing.
student 19:56:56
Ok,i will follow your advice
me 19:57:36
Be prepared to pay the price. Your friend might not forgive you.
student 19:58:35
I can foresee that
student 19:59:12
When i return home,i will explain the reason in detail
me 20:00:24
I hope he understands, but if not, you will still be without regret in this matter.
student 20:02:03
We have been friends for 10years
student 20:02:31
I believe that he can understand me
me 20:02:52
This will be a pivotal test for your friendship. Situations like this separate the wheat (the good part of the harvest) from the chaff (the waste).
student 20:04:07
That' right
Thursday, April 28, 2011
The Necklace
We were sitting in a sparsely patronized restaurant, sharing a long overdue meal. I taught her two years ago, when she was an uncharacteristically chatty freshman who could easily take one breath and draw it out for at least five or six sentences. Not much has changed, except for her more mature look and her upperclassman status.
The light reflected something shiny peering out from the top of her collar. I intended to glance at it just briefly, until I noticed that its shape and color flung my mind from China to my Georgia hometown.
Why was its prismatic color and simple shape so familiar?
And then my memory retrieved a vignette from this past summer: a bookstore – not even one I frequent all that often – and a glass case that contains handmade jewelry designed by a local woman who I always thought was one of the most effortlessly beautiful ladies I had ever met. I used to babysit her three children. We would spend hours lost in imagination, they in their fuzzy footed pajamas curled up inside the crooks of my arms and me feeling the youthful twitches of maternal joy and contentment over reading, “The Little Prince.” They are now teenagers, and their mother runs a successful faith-based jewelry business. I was looking at all the pieces she has displayed at the bookstore and noticed one particular pendant that I thought was delicate and elegant. It was Swarovski crystal, cut as a faceted hollowed square with one corner being fastened to a chain by a silver clasp.
Nine months later, that same style pendant was suspended right below the collarbone of my former student.
“Your necklace reminds me of someone,” I said.
“Oh really? A friend gave it to me several years ago. I didn't even know what Swarovski was at that time,” she grinned.
Some moments later, our dialogue hovered over the topic of faith. She said many times that she believes in a “great power,” but never any specific title beyond that. I kept my contribution simple. I spoke the name of the One I love and serve and said that He is different from all others because He made Himself the very sacrifice that is demanded.
She tilted her head while her eyes followed an invisible line of thought. I needed an example. I quietly asked for something that would make sense to her. A parable moment.
Suddenly, her pendant caught the light again, and it all came together.
“It's kind of like your pendant. If you see it on its own, you may think it's quite pretty. But when you compare it to knockoff pendants, that's when the difference is really clear. That's when your understanding of its value makes it even more beautiful. Same with Him. All others are knockoffs and cheap imitations, and they make His gift even more priceless.”
Being from a country in which the entire retail landscape is dominated by knockoffs, she eagerly nodded in complete understanding.
I hope one day that understanding makes its way to her heart -- a turn which would cement a Swarovski pendant and Deborah Lynn Jewelry and The Lamb's Well Bookstore among the pages of eternal Chinese history.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Does she really know how much she's loved?
There is a girl whom I've mentioned in previous newsletters home. I met her through one of my team-mates. She is affectionate, easy to laugh, candid and great fun at ktv. She is a student at HIT but is participating in a year-long academic exchange in S. Korea. We keep in touch, and I have worried about her on more than one occasion. Her self esteem is frail and is constantly being appraised based on how others treat her, particularly boyfriends. I've been impressed with none of them.
This afternoon, she gave me another reason to look toward Him to save her from...herself.
me 15:42:31
HEY! Long time no talk.
her 15:45:42
yep~~~
her 15:45:48
are you busy now?
me 15:46:01
No. Just relaxing at the moment.
me 15:46:21
You?
her 15:46:55
I've so busy these days and take maybe 3-4 hours sleep everyday
her 15:47:15
did [team-mate's name] tell you I'm on a diet~?
me 15:47:42
So you're on a diet AND you're only getting 3-4 hours of sleep everyday?
me 15:47:48
ME NO LIKE THIS!!!!!!
her 15:47:53
yea ...almost die
her 15:48:45
I just eat a meal once for three days...
her 15:48:52
but it works well
me 15:49:36
Wait a minute. You eat once every three days?
her 15:50:22
yes...
her 15:50:29
other time just drink water
me 15:50:46
My darling girl, that is NOT healthy in any way.
her 15:51:03
yea~~I know
me 15:51:12
If you don't eat more often than that, your body will burn not only fat but also healthy muscle.
her 15:51:13
but quickly to lose weight
her 15:51:24
I heard about that
me 15:51:58
Not necessarily. If your body thinks that it is starving, it will actually do all it can to preserve fat. It is a survival technique that you can't control.
her 15:52:38
really~~
her 15:52:56
I think it wont last long
me 15:52:56
If you want your body to let go of fat, you have to eat enough good things to let it know that it's ok to let go of it. Otherwise, you will discover that you're not losing much weight at all. It's your body's way of protecting itself.
me 15:53:39
Why are you trying to lose weight so quickly, anyway?
her 15:55:46
I don't know
me 15:56:49
You are beautiful. And I'm not saying that just because we're friends.
me 15:57:01
You don't need to put yourself in danger just to be thinner.
me 15:57:55
And if you're under stress, the diet is only adding to the pressure that your body is feeling. Make sure that you take care of yourself and treat your body right.
her 15:59:41
ok I will!
me 16:00:15
I hope so. I want you to come back healthy, not weak and feeble!
me 16:00:41
So promise me that you'll eat something good and healthy tonight for dinner, ok?
her 16:00:57
I ate my lunch today~~
me 16:01:37
Well, I hope that you eat dinner, as well. It doesn't have to be a huge meal...and it doesn't have to be junk food...but eat at least a little something so that your body knows you're not starving.
her 16:02:13
I am not sure~~~
her 16:02:29
I don't why I want to lose weight so sudenly
her 16:02:41
maybe because the Korean girls are so thin
me 16:03:18
Beauty comes in many shapes, not just thin girls.
her 16:04:32
I still want to ....
her 16:04:42
anyway I will watch out my health
her 16:04:53
I wont let myself die....
me 16:05:11
Losing weight isn't a bad thing, but you have to do it for the right reasons and through the right process.
me 16:06:04
Ok, I feel better if you promise me that you'll eat regular meals from this point forward. Don't make me come to Korea and feed you like a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
her 16:06:22
I just want to do it in a fast way...
her 16:06:34
ok...I will eat supper...!!
her 16:06:37
don't worry
me 16:06:37
Fast is dangerous and often ineffective.
me 16:06:53
Be patient and do it the right way so that you don't harm yourself.
her 16:08:33
I will~~~~~~~~
me 16:09:02
Because you know that [the Canuck team-mate] and I mean what we say. If you don't take care of yourself, we will come knocking on your Korean door!
her 16:10:38
ok~~~I got it!
me 16:11:26
good
her 16:12:02
I will go to study~~~
me 16:12:12
Ok. Get some rest tonight.
me 16:12:15
Talk to you soon.
her 16:12:30
there is an midterm exam tomorrow
me 16:12:55
I hope you do well. Good food and a good night's sleep are major contributors for a successful exam.
This afternoon, she gave me another reason to look toward Him to save her from...herself.
me 15:42:31
HEY! Long time no talk.
her 15:45:42
yep~~~
her 15:45:48
are you busy now?
me 15:46:01
No. Just relaxing at the moment.
me 15:46:21
You?
her 15:46:55
I've so busy these days and take maybe 3-4 hours sleep everyday
her 15:47:15
did [team-mate's name] tell you I'm on a diet~?
me 15:47:42
So you're on a diet AND you're only getting 3-4 hours of sleep everyday?
me 15:47:48
ME NO LIKE THIS!!!!!!
her 15:47:53
yea ...almost die
her 15:48:45
I just eat a meal once for three days...
her 15:48:52
but it works well
me 15:49:36
Wait a minute. You eat once every three days?
her 15:50:22
yes...
her 15:50:29
other time just drink water
me 15:50:46
My darling girl, that is NOT healthy in any way.
her 15:51:03
yea~~I know
me 15:51:12
If you don't eat more often than that, your body will burn not only fat but also healthy muscle.
her 15:51:13
but quickly to lose weight
her 15:51:24
I heard about that
me 15:51:58
Not necessarily. If your body thinks that it is starving, it will actually do all it can to preserve fat. It is a survival technique that you can't control.
her 15:52:38
really~~
her 15:52:56
I think it wont last long
me 15:52:56
If you want your body to let go of fat, you have to eat enough good things to let it know that it's ok to let go of it. Otherwise, you will discover that you're not losing much weight at all. It's your body's way of protecting itself.
me 15:53:39
Why are you trying to lose weight so quickly, anyway?
her 15:55:46
I don't know
me 15:56:49
You are beautiful. And I'm not saying that just because we're friends.
me 15:57:01
You don't need to put yourself in danger just to be thinner.
me 15:57:55
And if you're under stress, the diet is only adding to the pressure that your body is feeling. Make sure that you take care of yourself and treat your body right.
her 15:59:41
ok I will!
me 16:00:15
I hope so. I want you to come back healthy, not weak and feeble!
me 16:00:41
So promise me that you'll eat something good and healthy tonight for dinner, ok?
her 16:00:57
I ate my lunch today~~
me 16:01:37
Well, I hope that you eat dinner, as well. It doesn't have to be a huge meal...and it doesn't have to be junk food...but eat at least a little something so that your body knows you're not starving.
her 16:02:13
I am not sure~~~
her 16:02:29
I don't why I want to lose weight so sudenly
her 16:02:41
maybe because the Korean girls are so thin
me 16:03:18
Beauty comes in many shapes, not just thin girls.
her 16:04:32
I still want to ....
her 16:04:42
anyway I will watch out my health
her 16:04:53
I wont let myself die....
me 16:05:11
Losing weight isn't a bad thing, but you have to do it for the right reasons and through the right process.
me 16:06:04
Ok, I feel better if you promise me that you'll eat regular meals from this point forward. Don't make me come to Korea and feed you like a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
her 16:06:22
I just want to do it in a fast way...
her 16:06:34
ok...I will eat supper...!!
her 16:06:37
don't worry
me 16:06:37
Fast is dangerous and often ineffective.
me 16:06:53
Be patient and do it the right way so that you don't harm yourself.
her 16:08:33
I will~~~~~~~~
me 16:09:02
Because you know that [the Canuck team-mate] and I mean what we say. If you don't take care of yourself, we will come knocking on your Korean door!
her 16:10:38
ok~~~I got it!
me 16:11:26
good
her 16:12:02
I will go to study~~~
me 16:12:12
Ok. Get some rest tonight.
me 16:12:15
Talk to you soon.
her 16:12:30
there is an midterm exam tomorrow
me 16:12:55
I hope you do well. Good food and a good night's sleep are major contributors for a successful exam.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
a love-hate relationship
Tonight, I took a taxi to our second campus across town to have a final dinner with a group of about 30 freshmen whom I've taught all year. We went out to a non-descript Chinese restaurant, ordered basic Chinese food, and ate it Chinese style at a round table with a large glass spinning tabletop.
I don't really remember what I ate, but I do remember that the student to my left turned to me and said, "I want to tell you something. You've changed my mind about America. Before I met you, I sort of hated it. Now, I don't."
I don't really remember what I ate, but I do remember that the student to my left turned to me and said, "I want to tell you something. You've changed my mind about America. Before I met you, I sort of hated it. Now, I don't."
Thursday, June 17, 2010
the silent audience
A text from Liam, a sophomore who never really stood out in his class this past semester:
Dear Meagan: Thanks for your teaching. Your class is a feast for me, you give me the chance to experience foreign class. I feel so happy that I had chosen your class. It's the first time I had the feeling that university classes are so interesting and exciting, although I did not make a good use of your class to improve my spoken English but I do really enjoy the progress. You are so cute that always makes us to laugh and let us know many things about English culture. The tips of public speech for us makes you also a good social science teacher. The most important is your positive attitude toward life has influenced mine. Now I always try to find positive aspects when something happens to me. In this way, I find life is filled with sunshine. For you maybe I'm almost a spectator in your class, but I do really esteem you and enjoying your class. I appreciate the way you teaching us. At last, thank you very much. God bless you.
Dear Meagan: Thanks for your teaching. Your class is a feast for me, you give me the chance to experience foreign class. I feel so happy that I had chosen your class. It's the first time I had the feeling that university classes are so interesting and exciting, although I did not make a good use of your class to improve my spoken English but I do really enjoy the progress. You are so cute that always makes us to laugh and let us know many things about English culture. The tips of public speech for us makes you also a good social science teacher. The most important is your positive attitude toward life has influenced mine. Now I always try to find positive aspects when something happens to me. In this way, I find life is filled with sunshine. For you maybe I'm almost a spectator in your class, but I do really esteem you and enjoying your class. I appreciate the way you teaching us. At last, thank you very much. God bless you.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
It's almost like Hallmark.
Messages in response to the news that I have a headcold:
Well, take care...victory belongs to you!
I believe Chinese medicine will cure Chinese cold! Come on!
Take care of yourself and drink more water.
Hoping you are feeling better everyday and will soon be well enough to stay. (Stay where?)
Well, take care...victory belongs to you!
I believe Chinese medicine will cure Chinese cold! Come on!
Take care of yourself and drink more water.
Hoping you are feeling better everyday and will soon be well enough to stay. (Stay where?)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
a conTEXTual conversation
Right as I opened my door from returning home from dinner, I got this text message from one of my freshmen (no editing liberties taken):
I wrote back:
He responded:
May he find even greater peace and truth in pleasing the Father of fathers.
I'm leaving home for school now. On the train, I miss my father, I miss my mother, I miss a lot. Just now when I looked at my mother's photo on the phone, I found tears in my eyes. Sometimes, I feel so guilty because I think I'm not trying my best to study, when my parents are working at their best to support me. 2 days ago, when China's 3rd gold medal winner Zhou Yang answered why she struggle so hard to win the Olympic championship, she said: I want my parents to live a better life. The moment I heard the words, the moment I cried silently in my heart.
I wrote back:
It is so good to hear from you. Leaving the familiarity of home is never easy, especially in your first year of university. It will get easier, but it'll never be EASY. But, for me, I'm glad that my heart aches when I am separated from my family because it means that we have something real and true between us. As for being worried that you'll disappoint your parents, think about this: Your performance here is only a fraction of who you are. I imagine that your parents would only regret their sacrifices if you failed to be the man that you want to be. I know of many people who were good students but pretty terrible people. The disappointment comes from seeing that a good education doesn't mean anything to a selfish heart. What you do with your education and your life is what your parents will remember. The question that you face now is, "What kind of man do I want to be and how am I working toward that goal?" It's as much a heart issue as it is a head issue.
He responded:
Thank you. I think I will keep this message and read it from time to time to remind me who I want to be and what I want to bring to my dearest parents. To tell you the truth, it really made me feel better when I read that "my heart aches because there is something real and true between us." Thank you!
May he find even greater peace and truth in pleasing the Father of fathers.
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