I taught his class the following afternoon. During some group work, I found an empty bench in the back and observed the students working. A few seconds after sitting down, my nose retreated in the same way it did the night before. I looked over at the belongings next to me, and I recognized his coat and scarf. I had my confirmation...and the ensuing conviction that there was a reason I noticed his habit two days in a row.
But we barely know each other.
I watched the students smiling and talking with the discussion partners. He was near the front of the class. So young and so full of potential. I kept imagining him gasping for breath. It made all the difference knowing that he is MY student.
A few minutes later, teams began making presentations. I found a piece of printer paper in my stack of handouts. The lower half was unmarked, so it folded and tore it from the rest of the document. It became my makeshift stationary. I had to be succinct, and I had to be quick. I didn't know what I would write, and - more concerning - I didn't know how I would get it to him without drawing attention from classmates who watch my every interaction.
I don't remember what I wrote. I wish I did. Only fragments come to mind:
I don't know when you'll read this, but I trust God's timing.
Smoke-filled lungs are tortured lungs, indeed.
I hate to think that you will pay such a huge price for a youthful addiction.
As your teacher, I care about your well-being.
I hope you don't consider this an invasion of privacy.
Once I finished it, I folded it up and starting working out HOW I could get it to him. My eyes scanned his coat, and that's when I realized there were two large pockets on the front. No one was sitting behind me, and sliding the folded note into the pocket took all of two seconds. It was done before anyone could even turn around. I hoped and asked that he would find it within reasonable time. That was it. I left the rest to our mutual Maker.
I've thought of that note since last week. Tomorrow (Wed) is his class. This afternoon, I received an email from him. It was attached with a four-page response. I can't betray some of the information he shared, but there's a future at stake, so I'm sharing enough to prick the finger of petition from anyone who feels moved. Please remember him.
I cannot help to say that I REALLY appreciate your letter. It is so kind and sincere of you to write this letter to me. So I hereby want to tell you some truth of myself, confidential ones that I never shared with any female friends, even my girlfriend. It’s disappointing, but I do admit that I really smoke. Sorry to hurt your feelings. In the start, a pack could last for a month. But now, it can be emptied in two days. Disappointed again, right? I’m so sorry about that and I really mean it. But anyway, that is the situation right now.
It is no denial that smoking is bad in every aspect and brings numerous diseases especially cancers. A youthful addiction, it is so precise, a youthful addiction that changes entire life. I probably would blame myself for not quitting it some decades later. But still, another truth, I don’t know how to quit, or, more accurately, not determined to quit it now. I am a man without strong determination. Although I have a good girlfriend who keeps pressure on me to quit smoking. Although I received your letter, which made me almost break into tears. Although I imagined how depressed would my parents and grandparents be when they know this thousands of times. I cannot quit it. Admitted, I am such a weak person.
I picked it up again last year. I was mentally destroyed by the failure in election (I failed to be the Chair of the school’s Student Congress but only the Vice-Chair) and relationship. (The girl that I’ve been pursuing for the whole year was never interested in me) As a result, I turned to my old friend. It is not an excuse to start the torment of my lung. I am feeling guilty about this because I once thought He cannot save me or relieve me from this suffering. I was wrong; He can do anything because of who He is. I was just not faithful enough. Could you tell me how to be more faithful? I mean I sometimes forget the rituals, like one before the meal, one after get up and before go to bed.
Again, I really thank you for your attention and advice to me. I really never ever expected this kind of warm-hearted letter. It must be a blessing which is giving me the best foreign teacher I ever had. It is also a miracle to bring two souls to each other only after a lesson at [your fellowship]. And I’m sure that it is a message to tell me stop smoking ASAP. I will keep it in mind and keep the letter carefully.
Thank you for your time reading such a long and meaningless email, too. I’ve never sent an email more than 600 words in English. I’ve never told my life story in English to anyone neither. I am extremely glad and happy to make friend with you. See you tomorrow~
