I almost didn't answer the call because I didn't recognize the number. Almost.
Meagan, this is Ned from class five. I have a favor to ask you.
"Ok," I responded, already imagining that the request would come from the usual category of GRE help that dominates this season of every year.
I'm a contestant on a game show, and there's a question I don't know. I can call a friend, and that's you.
Until that point, I had been casually walking through my apartment with the phone caught between ear and shoulder. I stopped and repeated his explanation back to him, my heart tripping over itself in panic as I imagined my voice being broadcast to an audience sitting somewhere in the middle of this city of eight million. Not only did he call a teacher representing the most esteemed university in the entire northeastern corner of the country, but he called a foreign teacher whose name and face are recognized by at least 2000 students across the campus.
"Please don't let me look like an idiot," I prayed. What if the prize rested solely on my counsel? What if it was a large sum of money he could use for tuition? What if it was an all-expense paid trip to a European country? What if it was a new computer? I pined for an easy question like, "Which Steven Spielberg movie centers around a group of childhood misfits who stumble upon an ancient treasure map?"
Goonies, and you're welcome.
I took a deep breath. "Ok, so what's the question," I nervously ventured.
When did the American Revolution end?
Not. Even. Funny. Being a southerner, I could've answered that question in a fraction of a second had it been about the Civil War. I could've even provided the start date, as well. But the American Revolution? All that came to mind was 1770ish, and I imagined my student walking home in disgrace due to an American teacher's ambiguous answer of, "Uh, sometime between, ya know, 1770 and 1861."
So, I did what I could to salvage the situation. I opened my computer and burned a hole in the keyboard trying to get to Wikipedia. Nothing was said about resource restrictions, so I moved ahead until informed otherwise. In the meantime, I had to stall.
You mean the American Revolution and not the Civil War, right?
"Right," he confirmed.
The one time that I wanted a flowery poetic Chinese answer, I got one simple word.
Thanks for nothing, Ned. If you lose, it's because of efficient answers.
I had to keep stalling. Wikipedia was up but my eyes needed time to scan the article for key dates. My mind reached for the first question I could think of.
The first revolution?
"Uh, yes." He didn't seem confused because, of course, there were two American Revolutions.
As he responded, my eyes locked on a date.
"Well," I casually began (trying to betray my frenzy), "I think it was sometime around 1782 or 1783."
"Oh, ok. Thank you!" he replied.
I assumed that he had multiple choices and I had at least narrowed it down to the right one. We said goodbye, and I sat dazed in my chair for the next several minutes, wondering if I had managed to sound remotely knowledgeable while, at the same time, masking the unmistakable rhythm of keyboard strokes.
I told my team-mates about the experience and had to give them time to overcome their laughter when I confessed that I had asked the student to clarify if it was the first American Revolution to which he was referring. "It was the only thing that I could think of!" I whined.
A few days later, Ned approached me after class. I cut off all fringe conversation to hear the outcome. He smiled. "Do you remember that I called you last Saturday?"
Of course! You nearly gave me a heart attack. Was I right? I leaned forward with eyes wide open.
"Yes," he said, "but I wasn't on a game show. It was for the final exam project you assigned to us."
My jaw dropped. I had assigned - as I do almost every spring - a project in which teams have to create videos introducing some aspect of their lives to a western audience.
He continued, "So you'll get a surprise next week."
You've already given me enough of a surprise, Ned! You nearly took two years off my life with that question! How about I give YOU a surprise with a big fat F?!?!
The smile that had adorned his face went limp.
I tried to conceal my laughter but was quickly overcome by a combination of good humor and respect for a clever - if not yet fully understood - ruse.
So next week, I guess I'll find out how convincing I sound. I'm just glad he called rather than knocked at my door. That would've been a different outcome, altogether.
