After covering a lesson last week in western dress codes, I mandated that all my students come to class wearing an outfit of business or business casual caliber. Some wore suits and ties, some wore sweater vests with collared shirts, and some...
well, take a look.
Yes, it's plastic torn from a larger piece of plastic. Yes, it's threaded through the button hole. Yes, I laughed and cried simultaneously.
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Chinglish
I got my Stateside trip for the summer booked the other day, and the travel agency that contracts with my university was kind enough to send me a two-page document. The first page was the itinerary in Chinese, and the second page, for my convenience, was in English. Apparently, the translator has an affection for Italian cheeses, family discounts and western Sudan.
June 27, CAxxxx darfur - north shore, 10:30 am - he jing
June 27, UAxxx north Beijing - add elder brother 16:10-16:03 Parmesan
June 27, UAxxx with elder brother -- Atlanta Parmesan 18:40 - kedesh
August 16, UAxxx Parmesan Atlanta - 09:25 08:20 - add elder brother
August 16, UAxxx add cheese - north Beijing gothic 13:07-15:15
August 16, CAxxxx north shore, then jing -- - 20:05
June 27, CAxxxx darfur - north shore, 10:30 am - he jing
June 27, UAxxx north Beijing - add elder brother 16:10-16:03 Parmesan
June 27, UAxxx with elder brother -- Atlanta Parmesan 18:40 - kedesh
August 16, UAxxx Parmesan Atlanta - 09:25 08:20 - add elder brother
August 16, UAxxx add cheese - north Beijing gothic 13:07-15:15
August 16, CAxxxx north shore, then jing -- - 20:05
Sunday, June 5, 2011
phone a friend
I almost didn't answer the call because I didn't recognize the number. Almost.
Meagan, this is Ned from class five. I have a favor to ask you.
"Ok," I responded, already imagining that the request would come from the usual category of GRE help that dominates this season of every year.
I'm a contestant on a game show, and there's a question I don't know. I can call a friend, and that's you.
Until that point, I had been casually walking through my apartment with the phone caught between ear and shoulder. I stopped and repeated his explanation back to him, my heart tripping over itself in panic as I imagined my voice being broadcast to an audience sitting somewhere in the middle of this city of eight million. Not only did he call a teacher representing the most esteemed university in the entire northeastern corner of the country, but he called a foreign teacher whose name and face are recognized by at least 2000 students across the campus.
"Please don't let me look like an idiot," I prayed. What if the prize rested solely on my counsel? What if it was a large sum of money he could use for tuition? What if it was an all-expense paid trip to a European country? What if it was a new computer? I pined for an easy question like, "Which Steven Spielberg movie centers around a group of childhood misfits who stumble upon an ancient treasure map?"
Goonies, and you're welcome.
I took a deep breath. "Ok, so what's the question," I nervously ventured.
When did the American Revolution end?
Not. Even. Funny. Being a southerner, I could've answered that question in a fraction of a second had it been about the Civil War. I could've even provided the start date, as well. But the American Revolution? All that came to mind was 1770ish, and I imagined my student walking home in disgrace due to an American teacher's ambiguous answer of, "Uh, sometime between, ya know, 1770 and 1861."
So, I did what I could to salvage the situation. I opened my computer and burned a hole in the keyboard trying to get to Wikipedia. Nothing was said about resource restrictions, so I moved ahead until informed otherwise. In the meantime, I had to stall.
You mean the American Revolution and not the Civil War, right?
"Right," he confirmed.
The one time that I wanted a flowery poetic Chinese answer, I got one simple word.
Thanks for nothing, Ned. If you lose, it's because of efficient answers.
I had to keep stalling. Wikipedia was up but my eyes needed time to scan the article for key dates. My mind reached for the first question I could think of.
The first revolution?
"Uh, yes." He didn't seem confused because, of course, there were two American Revolutions.
As he responded, my eyes locked on a date.
"Well," I casually began (trying to betray my frenzy), "I think it was sometime around 1782 or 1783."
"Oh, ok. Thank you!" he replied.
I assumed that he had multiple choices and I had at least narrowed it down to the right one. We said goodbye, and I sat dazed in my chair for the next several minutes, wondering if I had managed to sound remotely knowledgeable while, at the same time, masking the unmistakable rhythm of keyboard strokes.
I told my team-mates about the experience and had to give them time to overcome their laughter when I confessed that I had asked the student to clarify if it was the first American Revolution to which he was referring. "It was the only thing that I could think of!" I whined.
A few days later, Ned approached me after class. I cut off all fringe conversation to hear the outcome. He smiled. "Do you remember that I called you last Saturday?"
Of course! You nearly gave me a heart attack. Was I right? I leaned forward with eyes wide open.
"Yes," he said, "but I wasn't on a game show. It was for the final exam project you assigned to us."
My jaw dropped. I had assigned - as I do almost every spring - a project in which teams have to create videos introducing some aspect of their lives to a western audience.
He continued, "So you'll get a surprise next week."
You've already given me enough of a surprise, Ned! You nearly took two years off my life with that question! How about I give YOU a surprise with a big fat F?!?!
The smile that had adorned his face went limp.
I tried to conceal my laughter but was quickly overcome by a combination of good humor and respect for a clever - if not yet fully understood - ruse.
So next week, I guess I'll find out how convincing I sound. I'm just glad he called rather than knocked at my door. That would've been a different outcome, altogether.
Meagan, this is Ned from class five. I have a favor to ask you.
"Ok," I responded, already imagining that the request would come from the usual category of GRE help that dominates this season of every year.
I'm a contestant on a game show, and there's a question I don't know. I can call a friend, and that's you.
Until that point, I had been casually walking through my apartment with the phone caught between ear and shoulder. I stopped and repeated his explanation back to him, my heart tripping over itself in panic as I imagined my voice being broadcast to an audience sitting somewhere in the middle of this city of eight million. Not only did he call a teacher representing the most esteemed university in the entire northeastern corner of the country, but he called a foreign teacher whose name and face are recognized by at least 2000 students across the campus.
"Please don't let me look like an idiot," I prayed. What if the prize rested solely on my counsel? What if it was a large sum of money he could use for tuition? What if it was an all-expense paid trip to a European country? What if it was a new computer? I pined for an easy question like, "Which Steven Spielberg movie centers around a group of childhood misfits who stumble upon an ancient treasure map?"
Goonies, and you're welcome.
I took a deep breath. "Ok, so what's the question," I nervously ventured.
When did the American Revolution end?
Not. Even. Funny. Being a southerner, I could've answered that question in a fraction of a second had it been about the Civil War. I could've even provided the start date, as well. But the American Revolution? All that came to mind was 1770ish, and I imagined my student walking home in disgrace due to an American teacher's ambiguous answer of, "Uh, sometime between, ya know, 1770 and 1861."
So, I did what I could to salvage the situation. I opened my computer and burned a hole in the keyboard trying to get to Wikipedia. Nothing was said about resource restrictions, so I moved ahead until informed otherwise. In the meantime, I had to stall.
You mean the American Revolution and not the Civil War, right?
"Right," he confirmed.
The one time that I wanted a flowery poetic Chinese answer, I got one simple word.
Thanks for nothing, Ned. If you lose, it's because of efficient answers.
I had to keep stalling. Wikipedia was up but my eyes needed time to scan the article for key dates. My mind reached for the first question I could think of.
The first revolution?
"Uh, yes." He didn't seem confused because, of course, there were two American Revolutions.
As he responded, my eyes locked on a date.
"Well," I casually began (trying to betray my frenzy), "I think it was sometime around 1782 or 1783."
"Oh, ok. Thank you!" he replied.
I assumed that he had multiple choices and I had at least narrowed it down to the right one. We said goodbye, and I sat dazed in my chair for the next several minutes, wondering if I had managed to sound remotely knowledgeable while, at the same time, masking the unmistakable rhythm of keyboard strokes.
I told my team-mates about the experience and had to give them time to overcome their laughter when I confessed that I had asked the student to clarify if it was the first American Revolution to which he was referring. "It was the only thing that I could think of!" I whined.
A few days later, Ned approached me after class. I cut off all fringe conversation to hear the outcome. He smiled. "Do you remember that I called you last Saturday?"
Of course! You nearly gave me a heart attack. Was I right? I leaned forward with eyes wide open.
"Yes," he said, "but I wasn't on a game show. It was for the final exam project you assigned to us."
My jaw dropped. I had assigned - as I do almost every spring - a project in which teams have to create videos introducing some aspect of their lives to a western audience.
He continued, "So you'll get a surprise next week."
You've already given me enough of a surprise, Ned! You nearly took two years off my life with that question! How about I give YOU a surprise with a big fat F?!?!
The smile that had adorned his face went limp.
I tried to conceal my laughter but was quickly overcome by a combination of good humor and respect for a clever - if not yet fully understood - ruse.
So next week, I guess I'll find out how convincing I sound. I'm just glad he called rather than knocked at my door. That would've been a different outcome, altogether.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Those witty Canadians.
Last night, the Canuck, some friends and I attended our weekly Tuesday study. The topic was, "Taming the Tongue."
At one point, the speaker - in an attempt to segue into the topic - asked those in attendance, "Can you give me some examples of small things that can produce very significant results?"
Without missing a beat, the Canuck leaned over and whispered, "Tom Cruise."
At one point, the speaker - in an attempt to segue into the topic - asked those in attendance, "Can you give me some examples of small things that can produce very significant results?"
Without missing a beat, the Canuck leaned over and whispered, "Tom Cruise."
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